The Drunken Adventure of Lionel
by wigglesfunk
Summary: Exactly what the title says.


The night following the Thanksgiving dinner at the Kents, Lionel was feeling pretty damn happy. The next morning was a different story…

* * *

Lionel wanted nothing more than a tall glass of scotch. His head was pounding and his arm was still very tender. What the hell had he done? Why would he get drunk and not think something like this would happen? He smiled goofily and almost thought it was worth it. But no one needed to know about his drunken adventure that's for sure.

Unfortunately his glass of scotch might have to wait seeing as how Lex was waiting for him in his office. He almost groaned out loud.

"Ah, Lex. To what do I owe the honor of this visit? Another crazy conspiracy that I've masterminded I presume."

"Well you do have a knack for that." Lex responded as he turned toward Lionel. "Actually I came to ask if you were alright. I heard you had a rough night." He had a ghost of a smile as he said this.

_Cat's out of the bag_, Lionel thought. "It is true. I did have a little too much to drink last night, but nothing to warrant a visit." He slowly took off his jacket, taking care to avoid jarring his left arm.

Lex looked unconvinced. "Judging by the way that you're babying that arm, something must have happened. What, get in a fight with some old friends again?"

"No." Lionel answered and left it at that. He really didn't want anyone to find out about what really happened, just to be on the safe side.

"C'mon Dad, you can tell me." Lex coaxed sarcastically. He watched as Lionel fidgeted for a moment. "It can't be as bad as you think."

"Oh I'm not saying that it's bad." Lionel reached for the bottle of scotch having decided that Lex or no Lex he needed a drink.

"Isn't that what got you in trouble in the first place?" Lex questioned eyeing the scotch. He was enjoying watching his father squirm. "Besides, if it isn't bad why not just tell me?"

"Why are you so interested in this?"

"Just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat Lex."

"Now you're avoiding my question."

Lionel sighed. "It's not important, just embarrassing."

Lex laughed and clapped his father on the arm. Lionel hissed in pain and Lex withdrew his hand, the light of understanding in his eyes.

"Oh I get it. You got a tattoo."

Lionel took a long drink and nodded reluctantly. He knew that Lex would not let it go and what harm could be done by just admitting the truth.

"Yes I did. I was heavily intoxicated at the time of course."

"Of course." Lex agreed dryly.

"Do you think I would ever get one without being drunk?"

"No you wouldn't. So what did you get?"

"Isn't it enough that you know about it?"

"You should know me better Dad." Lex walked closer. "Why get one and not show it off?"

"Because I'm having it removed as soon as possible."

"That just makes me want to see it even more. Is it a naked woman?" Lex was having fun with this and Lionel could tell.

"No it is not a naked woman." Lionel replied hastily.

"You know that I won't stop until I see it, so you may as well save yourself a lot of hassle and just show me." Lex said. Lionel hated to hear the amusement in his voice but he would hate to have Lex question him further.

"Fine." Lionel conceded. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled his arm free. Lex's eyes went wide and then he began to chuckle which quickly turned into outright laughter.

"It's really not that funny." Lionel defended. "It's just embarrassing."

"You said that already." Lex managed to get out between bouts of laughter. He settled down gradually and when he saw Lionel's sheepish expression he tried to hide his smile but failed miserably. "Look Dad, it could have been worse."

"How?"

"She could have been a naked woman." And with that Lex began to laugh again.

Lionel started to pull his arm back into the sleeve but Lex stopped him.

"Wait I have to get another look before its gone forever."

Lionel stood there as Lex looked it over once again. He too wanted to see it again, maybe even take a picture for the hell of it.

"Great craftsmanship." Lex complimented. "Who did it?"

"How the hell am I supposed to remember? I was drunk and there are over a thousand tattoo shops in Metropolis."

"A little touchy are we?" Lex asked. He looked one more time at the tattoo before Lionel put his sleeve back on.

"Like I said its embarrassing that I lost control like that."

"It has nothing to do with the fact that 'Martha' is permanently scrawled on your arm." Lex said as more of a statement than a question.

"I would never be embarrassed about that. It's the loss of self control. You know I don't get drunk specifically because of that."

Lex nodded. He wasn't completely shocked by the fact that Lionel had Martha's name on his arm, but that he actually got a tattoo. Even if he was going to have it removed it was still one of the best surprises that he could have pulled.

"Well it's been enlightening Dad. Good luck." Lex said goodbye and then walked out of the office, leaving Lionel to his thoughts and scotch.

**A/N - I've been doing so much heavy and dark writing that I thought this would be a nice break. Besides, why wouldn't Lionel get Martha's name tattooed on his arm? We all know he wants to!**


End file.
